August 2022

It was hot. I was riding my bike. I remembered a Star Wars Imperial Walker from long ago. I remember it looking like a giant camel with two guys driving it.

I wondered. Is this me? I have a body ( giant camel). I have a brain (two guys driving the camel). Am I also a character in a play? Am I following a script? Who is actually driving this camel?

What I call “I” has limited control over my body, mostly my body is doing its own thing. Who is actually controlling the brain that sort of controls the camel that is me? Who is the real “I”? Does the brain control “I”, or do I control the brain? It certainly does not feel like “I” have much brain control.

It feels like the Imperial Walker that is “I” could be following a script, or what? What is causing me to ride my bike really? I can dream up reasons, but are they real? What do I mean by real? Maybe if I was able to understand time, I would be less clueless, but I do not so far.

We made two outdoor fishponds. I am friends with possibly 1,000 goldfish. I was outraged when a great philosopher years ago described my goldfish friends as automatons. Eventually I bought into his idea.

I like my goldfish friends anyway. Goldfish are very brave and seldom complain. In the winter they can be happily frozen in a block of ice. In the summer pond water is over 90 F. and climbing year to year. Goldfish remain calm.

Recently on a dark empty road two citizens of Fort Worth got into a fatal road rage gun fight. One is dead, the other will be soon in prison. Where was the benefit? Maybe not only goldfish are automatons?